It’s Not a Big Deal, It Happens to Everyone

Yep, if you’re a guy you know what I’m talking about just from reading the title.  The truth is, erectile dysfunction (ED) (which so sounds like Houston-we-have-a-problem) does happen to all guys at one time or another.  The problem can occur at any age, and is really only a problem if it persists over a period of about three months.  Another common problem guys experience (especially younger men) is that of rapid or premature ejaculation (RE), when ejaculation occurs before, upon, or shortly after penetration with minimal stimulation.  Bummer.

Although almost always stress and fatigue are the reasons why a man can’t get it up (or keep it up), guys being guys tend to wig out when they experience an unfortunate erection or when Two Pump Chump becomes their theme song.

The problem isn’t with your protuberance, fellas.  The culprit is a weak pelvic floor.  Huh?

The muscular structures that underlie your penis and testicles are referred to as the pelvic floor.  Didn’t know you had one, you say?  No problem, I’ll help you find it in three easy steps:

  1. Imagine that you’re peeing (HINT: Don’t do this after a few too many pale ales).  When you locate the muscle group, pretend that you’re “starting” and “stopping” the flow of urine. Your penis and testicles are moving up and down, you say? GREAT! You found your pelvic floor muscles.
  2. Tighten the muscles and hold for 3-5 seconds. Tighten. Relax. Tighten. Relax. Do about 7 sets of the tighten/relax exercises in one set. Do four sets a day to begin, and gradually increase to 15 sets a day.
  3. Once you are comfortable with 15 sets a day, challenge the ol’ buddy a little further—incorporate short flexes.  Begin to incorporate a series of quick, one-second contractions into your pelvic floor exercise routine.  Do about 30 quick flexes and then do one long contraction, holding the muscles as long as you can. Repeat. (And—no squeezing your butt cheeks, that’s cheating!)

In about a month’s time you’ll notice that ED and RE are distant memories.

What’s that? Multiple orgasms, you ask? Stop back by in a couple of days (and I’ll probably end up being your best friend).

dr. w

 

 

Why Does She Talk So Much?

Do women talk more than men?

As we grow up from infancy to adulthood, we’re taught how to be a “boy” or a “girl,” or a “man” or a “woman” in a lot of different ways. Each day we are bombarded with messages from society—from parents to teachers to friends to the media—that send very clear-cut gender cues, or the “correct” ways we’re supposed to act and think and feel.

And communication is no exception—boys learn how to communicate one way, girls learn how to communicate another way.

According to one researcher, men and women are taught so differently about how to communicate (and in what they focus on when they talk) that it’s as if they understand communication messages in entirely different ways!

In other words—you may think you are clearly expressing yourself, and you just may be….but that doesn’t mean that she’s hearing the intended content of your messages!

Is it any wonder that these different genderlects lead to so many problems, misunderstandings, tensions—and all out shouting matches—between couples?!?

Don’t give up just yet! Once you know how and why women communicate the way they do, you’ll be better able to adjust your communication styles—and responses!—so that tensions and arguments are minimized and intimacy flourishes.

You see, in any type of communication, there’s the message (the actual words spoken), and the underlying message (there’s a ridiculously long research term for this…we’ll just call it the genderlect).

As girls grow up, they’re taught to be the caretakers and keepers of relationships. If there’s a problem with a friend or a relationship, girls are encouraged to “Talk it out.” “Sit down and just hear each other out.” “Just listen and it will all work out.”

In essence, girls are taught throughout their entire lives to:

·Talk about “it”: Whatever “it” happens to be—like being angry about something that happened at work two months ago, or seeing a new pair of shoes that are super cute, or thinking out loud about what she should do next, or asking how your day went.

·Connect: Women are often referred to as “kin keepers” because they hold relationships and families together. They’re taught from a very young age that keeping each other connected in the relationship is their responsibility. This is why they talk, talk, talk, talk, talk—to ensure that everything’s okay and on track with you as a couple.

·Understand and care: Women’s primary means of communication is showing sympathy, understanding, and care. When someone (you, a friend, a family member) is hurting, this shows that they are being 100% supportive (even in situations where it may not make sense to be that involved or caring).

Talking, connecting, understanding, caring—this is the way women experience their relationships. It’s the way they assess the status of all of their friendships and intimate relationships.

<This is probably why gals can’t go to the restroom without a circle of friends!>

It’s crucial that men understand that women have different genderlects than they do: When your gal is upset or has had a bad day or she just wants to talk about nothing in particular, she expects you to respond to her the same way that she would respond to you.

She expects you to respond in a caring, understanding, and connected way. She expects you to listen to every word she’s saying (as long as it takes), because that’s the response that she would give to you or to anyone else that she cares about.

This isn’t to say that you don’t care—it just means that you express your love and care for her in different ways than she expresses it for you.

And that’s why it’s so important that she understands your genderlect.

Stop by in a couple of days and I’ll talk about men’s genderlects, and how couples can best merge their differing communication cultures.

Your thoughts?  Do you think that gender differences are what make guy/gal communication so difficult? Or do you think that there might be something else at play?

Photo Credit: Feuillu (flickr.com)

The Elusive G-Spot: The Holy Grail or [Holy] Crap?

You can’t pick up a women’s magazine (or even a men’s magazine, for that matter!) without finding tips on how to locate and stimulate a woman’s G-spot.

Reporting that the G-spot is the Holy Grail of sexual experiences, and reporting that finding the G-spot will give a woman the most powerful and explosive orgasms (evah!), pop culture continues to claim that every woman has a G-spot, and that it’s just a matter of practice, practice, practice to find it.

But, are the claims about the G-spot myth… or reality? (It just dawned on me—how funny of an episode would this be on Myth Busters?!? Something along the lines of “Do ‘Fainting’ Goats Really Exist?”)

Myth? Reality? Does it even matter?

Scientific evidence is beginning to emerge.  To produce the types of intense orgasms said to originate from the G-spot, there must also be nerve endings in the vaginal area where the G-spot is said to be located.

A number of recent studies suggest that there is no area in the vagina that contains increased and/or concentrated nerve endings.  In short, the pop culture claims about the existence of the G-spot go well beyond the available scientific evidence.

But why does the “realness” of the G-spot even matter?

One researcher summed it up best when he said, “The G-spot is not just a point of minor anatomic interest. The G-spot seems to be widely accepted as being real…if the G-spot doesn’t exist, then many women have been seriously misinformed about their bodies and their sexuality.

Women who fail to ‘find’ their G-spot, because they fail to respond to stimulation as the G-spot myth suggests they should, may end up feeling sexually inadequate—and abnormal.”

Do you think that women do have a G-spot, and that science just hasn’t found the evidence of its existence yet? Have you ever felt sexually inadequate or that something is “wrong” with you because you (or your partner) couldn’t “find” your G-spot?

Boxers or Briefs? Keeping Da Boyz Happy, Healthy, and Strong

The scrotum (or scrotal sac), an extension of a guy’s lower abdomen, is a pouch of skin that is rich in nerve endings and blood vessels (keep that in mind, gals, when you’re making love to him—the scrotum needs lovin’, too!).

The scrotum has two separate compartments that house a single testis, or testicle. Each testicle is suspended within the sac by a spermatic ford, which can be felt through the skin.

The spermatic cord consists of the vas deferens (the duct through which mature sperm travel), the cremasteric muscles, nerves, and blood vessels. One spermatic cord is almost always longer than the other, which is why one testicle (most often, the left) hangs lower than the other.

The cremasteric muscles play a huge role in men’s fertility. They ensure and maintain sperm production by moving the testicles closer to the body when it’s cold, and further away from the body when it’s hot—these muscles are the climate control center for the testicles.

If the body temperature is cold, the cremasteric muscles tighten and draw the testicles closer to the body, to keep them warm. When the body is warm, the cremasteric muscles relax to bring the testicles further away from the already warm body.

Elevated scrotal temperature affects a guy’s testicular function and fertility! Several factors can contribute to these elevated temperatures:
  • Fever
  • Hot tub/sauna use
  • Tight underwear
  • Laptop computers

Wait, what? Laptop computers?!?

New research has determined that men’s use of a laptop computer in the “laptop” position is linked to significant elevated scrotal temperatures (I know, I know….who participates in studies like this?). Scrotal temperatures increase because of the heat from the laptop computer and because of the sitting position necessary to balance the laptop—the position traps the scrotum tightly between the thighs.

For your best fertility and sexual response, keep da boyz happy: Keep ‘em cozy, but not too cozy!

What do you think of the research about laptop computers? Have you ever linked using your laptop to testicular health?!