Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

I used to dread taking down the Christmas tree. Seriously hated it. Dragging down the boxes from the attic…donning oven mitts so I could reach in through the dead, spikey, pokey branches to retrieve precious memories hanging by a bent paperclip to an even deader, spikier, pokier branch…tissue-paper wrapping each [why do they make them so] breakable ornament…tucking the Treasures away in the seemingly shrinking Rubbermaid tote…and toting those totes back to the attic.

What. A. Process.

Process.

Think for a minute about what any process involves. You start at Point A and end at Point B (or C or D or E, whatever way it takes you). Inherent to any process, then, is change. Whether it’s taking down a Christmas tree or preparing for a new year or living and loving…

…process involves change.

I!

Don’t!

Like!

Change!!

I think part of why I used to hate undecorating the Christmas tree is because that act signaled that a new year was about to start. And that New Year always brought with it change. That unwanted, unnecessary, dreaded change.

Something happens to me when I sense change. I get restless. I get uneasy. Kind of like Seabiscuit being held back at the gates. Back in that era, horse race gates didn’t have doors—only a bell heralded the race’s start. When I anticipate change, I see and feel and hear that there are no doors holding me back, no iron bars locking me into a certain position. But I can’t move because someone or something is holding the reigns, keeping me where they want me to be…not where my spirit longs to take me.

I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, each year I choose a word—one word—that signifies what I feel I need to work on in my life/work out of my life. Last year the word was “toxic.” I spent the year consciously removing any and all toxicity from my life. People. Food. Situations. Thoughts. Relationships. Habits. (Very effective, try it!)

This year I sense that the word is change. I used to be afraid of change. I used to fight it. I used to do whatever I could to hang on to the present so that I wouldn’t have to face change or deal with it.

As we took down the Christmas tree today and tucked the Treasures away, the feeling of UGH didn’t wash over me as it usually does.

Today I felt excitement, anticipation, expectation (and truthfully, a little bit of anxiety. I mean, c’mon–what good and faithful OCDer wouldn’t have anxiety?)

What would you try if the fear of change didn’t keep you reigned in?

I don’t know, either. But I’m sure willing to break loose of the reigns and see what happens. Wanna join me?

Kelly

Photo credit: flickr.com

 

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