What’s Your Passionate Love Score?!

Bachelorette: “I’m veeeeeeery in love. I feel giddy and blissful and excited and my heart feels really really really joyful and happy and at ease when I think about Jake and I’m in love and I’m happy and I really really trust Jake with my vagina heart and [I want to] kiss him for hours and hours and hours and I just really really really really love being in love.”

Bachelor: “Umm….we have had such an amazing time getting to know each other (read: sexually) and there are so many things I love to do to you about you. I do love you and your ass is you’re just perfect.”

Bachelorette: [Cue beauty queen tear-fest]

Bachelor: “But …..ummmm….. Something doesn’t feel right.”

Bachelorette: [Cue devastation]  Wait for it….

Passionate love is a wildly powerful emotion that is experienced as intense longing for the selected love object, along with profound sexual arousal and confused feelings. As viewers witness each week on TV shows like The Bachelor, it can either be a blissful experience if the love is reciprocated, or a painful experience if the love is ignored.

Passionate love—also sometimes referred to as romantic love—involves a mix of a pounding heart, a choking sensation in the throat, sweating palms, and a constricting sensation in the chest.

The emotional manifestations of passionate love include idealizing the romantic partner, an intense sexual attraction, a surge of self-confidence, adoration of the love interest, and an all-consuming, selfless desire to do whatever you can for the love interest.

In short, it’s the love-struck stuff that reality TV shows are made of—but not what long-lasting marriages are made of.  Passionate love starts very quickly and often leads to what we think of as “love at first sight.”

Romantic love almost always occurs as the result of an attraction to some physical trait, like his thighs-that-could-crack-a-walnut or her so-tight-you-can-bounce-a-quarter-off-of-it rear end.

Sure, physical attraction is an important element in any love relationship—but it’s not a factor in whether the relationship will last or not.  You see, with passionate love there usually aren’t a whole lot of other things we love about that particular person.  We don’t really love that person…we only love being a attracted to a certain part of that person.

When the attraction to the particular body part begins to wane (or when we become attracted to someone else’s equally tantalizing body parts), so too does the “love.” No surprise there.

Are you in love with someone now, or have you been in love? Go hereto determine your Passionate Love score!  Come back and post your results!

 

Photo Credit:  Justin Bugsy Sailor (flickr.com)

Comments

  1. Paul Mintner says:

    in-love. :) but not passionately.

  2. Scooter Bug Baby says:

    Your result for The Passionate Love Scale …

    In-Love
    67 Cognitive, 87 Emotional, 67 Physiological and 73 Overall!

    Its not as overwhelming or obessive as it could be, but what you feel still qualifies as "In-love".

    You could consider it a healthy balance between passion and sensibleness. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can help prevent you from being reckless, and perhaps making some bad choices.

    Good luck in your relationship.

    I really feel like these questions are more for those who are not married, or who are not in a long-term relationship. Based on my answers, you would think I have a total luke-warm love for my husband. Totally not the case. I believe that married couples or those that have been together long-term, express and appreciate love much differently than those who are either just lusting, or starting a relationship with someone.

  3. Dr. Kelly Welch says:

    @ Scooter Bug Baby–you're absolutely right! As we're in our love relationships over time, our love transitions over to what is referred to as "companionate" love.

    It doesn't mean that we're not in love in love with our spouses anymore–it just means that the wild hormones have calmed down a bit.

    In a few days, I'm going to have a post about the Triangle Love theory–this one is AWESOME, b/c it measures the amount of passion, intimacy, and commitment you have in a relationship.

    Great comments, and spot on!

  4. Dr. Kelly Welch says:

    @Paul—your love may already be transitioning from limerence to love that lasts (companionate love)…that's exactly what you want! :)

  5. handheldhearts says:

    Your result for The Passionate Love Scale …
    In-Love

    73 Cognitive, 87 Emotional, 60 Physiological and 73 Overall!

    Its not as overwhelming or obessive as it could be, but what you feel still qualifies as "In-love".

    You could consider it a healthy balance between passion and sensibleness. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can help prevent you from being reckless, and perhaps making some bad choices.

    Good luck in your relationship.

    I used experiences based on my most recent crush. . . does that still count?

  6. Dr. Kelly Welch says:

    @handheldhearts—Yes, that still counts! In fact, it's probably a really good way to test, b/c the hormones are still working overtime.

    Did anything surprise you about your results?

Trackbacks

  1. [...] In my previous blog I talked about the science of love, and how the brain releases chemicals that make us feel blissful and euphoric when we are first “in love” with someone. Because of this flood of brain chemicals, it’s common to feel love intensely (just like our Bachelorette). [...]

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