What a Day for a Daydream: Sexual Fantasies

Research shows us that about 95 percent of the population say they fantasize about sex….and the other 5 percent lie.

Sexual fantasiesare sexual thoughts and images that we create in our minds. Everyone fantasizes about sex, and it’s the most common daydream people have—it’s also the most common type of sexual behavior that people engage in.

Understanding your sexual fantasies is important, because it helps you to better understand “who” you are as a sexual person, and fantasies give you great insight into your unique sexual script.

Sexual fantasies are private, so you’re free to imagine anything and everything you want to, without experiencing embarrassment, rejection, or guilt. For example, a lot of times people will fantasize about trying a different sex position or experimenting with a new sex toy, before they actually try it out.

And if you share your sexual fantasies with your lover, you can really enhance both your sexual relationship and your overall relationship happiness and satisfaction. When you share your fantasies, you

  • Deepen trust levels: Whenever you share anything of a private nature with your partner and your partner keeps that information to him or herself, you deepen the trust levels in your relationship. To have a slammin’ hotttt sex life—and a relationship that absolutely no one can take you away from—you need to be able to trust your partner with anything and everything.
  • Deepen intimacy levels: When you self-disclose your innermost sexual thoughts and feelings and desires, you put yourself at risk of being rejected—you make yourself very vulnerable. But when you self-disclose your fantasies to your partner and he/she doesn’t violate that trust, you significantly deepen your intimacy levels.

So your sex/relationship life should look something like this…

Trust→ShareTrust MoreShare MoreBuild IntimacyShare More Trust MoreBuild Deeper Levels of IntimacyShare More Trust More Have Deeper Levels of IntimacyShare Even MoreTrust Even MoreHave Even Deeper Levels of Intimacy (and hot hot hot hot sex)…

Over time, this trust/share/build intimacy pattern is what creates a couple’s unique, one-of-a-kind relational culture.

And this relational culture is what affair-proofs your relationship! Why?  Because it’s so different, so exclusive, so exceptional…no one else even matters!

Sexual fantasies aren’t dirty. They’re not immoral. They’re not sinful (no one says your fantasies have to be about anyone other than your beloved).

Your thoughts?

Photo Credit: “Postmodern Sleeping Beauty,” by Helga Weber (flickr.com)


  1. Blake says:

    And if your partner is not accepting of your disclosures?

  2. Dr. Kelly Welch says:

    Find another partner. :)

    Just kidding…..back off for a bit and then disclose things that aren't as "off-putting" to your partner. A great sex life is all about building trust and intimacy….once those are in place, becoming adventurous is a natural next step.

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