Who Wrote Your Love Map?

A critical step in creating a long-lasting, satisfying marriage is exploring the path that guided the development of your love behaviors and patterns.

When it comes to love and loving, we all come into this world as blank slates.  Over time, each of us “loves” in certain, established ways because our past experiences always influence/shape/direct our present experiences. So–who are the authors of your love map?

You can create an instant snapshot of your family’s love and relationship history by creating a genogram:

1. Sketch out the family you were raised in: Use squares to represent males and circles to represent females.

2. Map out relationship dynamics: By using symbols (such as, ……. , used to denote an emotionally distant or indifferent relationship), you can map out the emotional connections between family members. Your genogram can be as elaborate or as simple as you want. The idea is to get an at-a-glance understanding of your partner’s and your own relational histories. This site helps you to create your genogram. (At first it might look a little intimidating–don’t let this freak you out! Again, you can make your genogram as detailed or as simple as you want).

3. Identify the authors of your love map: Looking at your genogram, identify those who are the most influential people in your family history. When it comes to love, loving, and intimate relationships, who are the most positive influences in your family history? The most negative?

4. Share your genogram with your partner: For most of us, this is the toughest part of creating a genogram. Partners are oftentimes afraid to disclose these types of things, because it leaves them feeling vulnerable to rejection or scoffing—especially if they experienced hurtful, abusive, shameful, or conditional love relationships in their past.

Have you ever given any thought about why you love the way you do? From your genogram, were you able to identify positive influences you’d like to continue to carry on? Are there any negative influences you hope never to repeat?

Feel free to email me if you want to talk about your genogram!
Photo Credit: Grunge Textures (flickr.com)


  1. [...] As recipes and cooking may be passed down from generation to generation, so too are the origins of our capacity to love and to be loved. These family influences ultimately shape our unique, personal love maps. [...]

  2. [...] like love, no two people have the same idea of what “sex” is because your sexuality is continuously under [...]

  3. [...] That’s what happens when sex is reduced to an act (or lots of acts), instead of understanding how it’s intricately tied into your love map. [...]

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